Difference between revisions of "Mute the needy"

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(New page: Mute the needy. It sounds cruel but the best thing you can do when a stranger in SL comes to you with a RL crisis is to mute them. Two reasons. One: a certain percentage of people who br...)
 
(LL:Second Life Community Standards has been moved, it is now a redirect to Second Life Community Standards)
 
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Mute the needy.
#REDIRECT [[Second Life Community Standards]]
 
It sounds cruel but the best thing you can do when a stranger in SL comes to you with a RL crisis is to mute them.
Two reasons.
 
One: a certain percentage of people who bring you sad stories are just bored, lying trolls. They mock you even as you try to be kind; they waste your time; they get nothing but entertainment from you. We should not give them that satisfaction.
 
Two: (and this is of course the important one) People with bad problems in RL need to get help in RL.
 
A girl who tells you she is alone and has just overdosed needs to get AWAY from the computer. She needs to call 911 (if she's in the USA) or, if she can't or won't do that, she needs to get out in public where someone can call 911 for her, or at least see her when she passes out.
 
A guy who says he wants to kill himself because he gave AIDS to his girlfriend needs to talk to a priest, or phone a crisis center, or go to an emergency room of a hospital. Anyone who says they cannot do these things......may not want to do them, but in fact can. If he can use a computer to play SL, he can Google "crisis center" for his city, or call a taxi to get to a hospital.
 
Every minute that you engage a person in SL, you are keeping them away from what they need to do in RL. If you are not a trained crisis counselor, you are likely to say something which, however well intentioned, is harmful. Even for trained crisis counselors, it is hard to be effective online and over long distances. Engaging with a stranger in crisis in SL probably does not help. It is probably bad for them. Don't do it.
 
And the emotional energy that you spend interacting with a person in crisis in SL is also bad for you. You do not want a deeply screwed up person depending on you for their happiness or their life. Think about it. You do NOT want this. And you do not have to accept that role, however much someone may seem to want you to do so. There are thousands of opportunities to help relieve the suffering in the world, and you have the right to choose which ones you will take. No one, even a person in crisis, has the right to force you into a role you do not choose.
 
THE BEST THING to do -- best thing for the troll, best thing for the person with a true problem, and best thing for yourself -- is to refuse to engage. Briefly urge the person to get RL help, and then get out of the interaction.
 
" I'm sorry, it sounds like a tough situation. But I'm totally sure you can get some good help. You can call 911 or go to the emergency room or phone a minister? But I am afraid to talk with you about it in SL. I'm afraid I might delay you from getting help. You need to leave SL and get real help. So I think the best thing I should do for you is, I better end this conversation. Go get help in RL, please, please. I'm going to mute you now."
 
And then, do it.

Latest revision as of 04:21, 26 April 2009

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