Profile Generator

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Created by Kira Komarov.

Cover Story

There are a plethora of ways to present yourself using deep meaningful words. However, sometimes you might be at a complete loss of ideas and feel excluded from your fellow avatars who have already mastered the artistry of expressing their innermost feelings and most profound thoughts in their profile descriptions. If you find yourself lost and alone, in one one of these knapsack problems, unsure what to pack and cast out from the tribe, do not worry for I have undergone a secret mission to discover the magic behind a successful profile.

My quest has indeed been a success and I have statistically and astutely discovered that profiles follow similar patterns, allowing you to be part of the community your fellow avatars are already part of. The following is a short list of a buzz-words, buzz-phrases and buzz-attitudes that populate modern-day society profiles. Not only will you be able to dazzle them with your greatness, you will also strike a final blow against them by using cute, fluffy, black-and-white, weird characters.

Profile Patterns

  • It is obligatory to include at least one inspirational quote. They make very good placeholders when you're on a roll and your inspiration has just run out. They span in length from a single word to a full paragraph filling however big a dent your inspiration is currently experiencing. If it's self-created thus, really, really worthless, the better!
  • Speak highly about yourself, self-appoint yourself as an artist, a business-person, a shaman, poet, lover and mention stuff you've done or haven't really done that nobody cares about. Either way, art is subjective, magic is speculative and we all mostly mind our own business. Who will be able to contradict you? The ones that do probably have poor tastes and are obviously jealous.
  • If the previous point does not satisfy your self-inssuficiency, mix in an appeal to sincerity by adding another tautology such as "i am just a girl", "i am just a guy" and if you want a dash of exoticism you could always follow the other advices and add something like "i am just a cat" or "i am just a wardrobe" so it is funny, witty and sincere. If that still isn't enough, you can always make an appeal to pride through pity by exhaustively listing any health problems you are experiencing in RL. That usually catches everybody's attention and there's nothing like washing your dirty laundry in public.
  • In rare cases, when BOTH the previous points are not sufficient to satisfy the "groumanderie" of your ego, you can always make up some stories which will connect you by association to the CIA/KGB/"roll your own". Because such agencies have absolutely nothing better to do than follow you around and count how many poseballs you hop per day. You are just that important!
  • Show that you are desired by making cheesy boilerplate declarations to "that random special person". Don't worry, you can go ahead and sleep around when they're not online anyways.
  • Do NOT forget to mention "no drama". If people see "no drama" in your profile, they won't cause drama. Like wearing "no mosquitos" t-shirt in the Amazon rainforest. It works every time.
  • For some reason if you chose to throw a fit on your profile, and half way through it you feel ashamed that you are so aggressive, do NOT worry. Simply suffix it with "I don't bite!", then crack yourself up and then subtly add "...hard". It will appease the fit your just threw, make you more approachable and the attempt at humor will notch your IQ up by a few digits.
  • Always make tautological comments like "SL is SL and RL is RL", they carry a deep meaning, as all tautologies do. Tell everybody that you're here to amuse yourself and "have lots and lots of fun". Nobody is here for that. We all take this very serious by the lots.
  • If you want to be super-cool, turn everything into UTF-8 (loads and loads, like makeup was meant to be used), it makes you look mysterious and l33t! You can also show how smart you are by flipping the characters upside down and writing a "hidden" message offering a prize for an equally gifted genius.
  • One major sign of delusional behavior consists in talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Do NOT let that stop you, persist.
  • For extreme l33tn355, and if everything else fails to jog your ego, the best solution is to make up a religion and assign yourself a deity title. For best results, you can pick planets and stars to be the deity of. All that we know about are uninhabited (even the stars!), so you won't wake up with an alien filing a DMCA complaint against you.
  • Remember to include tick-boxes, ticks and crosses next to some terms. This will show that you have been fully integrated into a bureaucratic society and brainwashed by filling out forms every day like they used to do in the good old days in kindergarten.
  • Another way to fill a judgement blank is to include the harmless pyramidal scheme "paste-this-to-everybody"-world domination bunny. It will clutter up that worthless space on your profile (looking at you, nagging you, teasing you with its blankness) and will make the complexity of your character stand out. If you are lucky, it might even make you look funny.
  • If you feel like embracing your inner greed and gluttony, you can also advertise for your "products" and "services" allover the place. It will make you look like a walking-talking soda can dispenser. Also, make sure every inch of you has a price and is available to the public. Whenever you state you wouldn't do something, always append "... but for a price", or "... for generous people" giving you some leeway to make some spontaneous cash.
  • For comradeship, if you manage to squash it all in, add lots and lots of picks all about various random people you met in SL and what they mean to you. If you want to keep them from harm's way, you can always be vague and then add "...you know who you are". Albeit making the pick pointless since nobody has a clue who you are talking about except the person mentioned there (if they happen to recall who you are), it does have the effect of giving others a peek preview of the depths of your affection.
  • If you are underage and want to hide that fact, consider stamping "Age verified." allover your profile. When your age is verified, it does not show up anywhere, making it rather pointless. Thus pasting the fact you are age verified allover your profile will make gullible people believe you and thwart skeptics from even checking it. It is also abundantly necessary, because you can have a bank account as a toddler and the "Payment info on file." just doesn't cut it for awesome people. If you still have room for it, add "Voice verified" because it axiomatically proves that you are not a skin job and will make blade runners give up trying to retire you.

How the Script will Help You

By following this simple ruleset, this script will help you generate any amount of profiles for you and your friends without looking suspicious and allowing you to blend in with the flora around you. To use it, simply drop it in a prim and click the prim (lethargically) and be amazed how easy it is to generate a profile matching any of your siblings. This script will allow you to:

  • Generate a successful description of yourself which will boost your experience and the quality of day-to-day pick-ups.
  • Cripple and abuse the punctuation signs, randomly replacing full stops with suspension dots, semi-colons, and others since it is not really important when and where they should be applied.
  • Insert random emotes going from crying to laughing and covering the full palette of emotions in-between in the blink of an eye.
  • Random capitalization of "I", because it takes one key press more to capitalize it.
  • Random ordering of stuff, you just have to touch the prim several times till you find something that is worth your profile.
  • Add your own, take away pseudo-random pool ooze to make the profile generator even more unique than it already is.

Successful Examples

The profile generator has so called awesomeness speeds abbreviated to awe speeds, like the mach speeds. By the time your reach a speed setting of AWE3, I can guarantee you that you would have achieved full awesomeness. You can also push the generator beyond its carefully crafted limits for full spectrum domination of awesomeness. Here are the awe speeds and what they will look like:

AWE1 speed setting:

i am here to have fun and you can say i can be a total shopaholic. i am a professional artist and usually 
I spend my time enjoying the wonders of SL. I like witty conversation and one may think i can be a fashion 
victim; i love my family and one may think i am age verified. i am just a soul and one may think i've been 
around for a while..... 

☒ Mod ☑ Copy ☒ Trans
✗ Grief

 ☆ No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry, ☆ 

AWE2 speed setting:

i am just not seeking another relationship and I can be a total shopaholic, i create sculpts and i :(( spend 
my time enjoying the wonders of SL. i enjoy exploring and i can :-) be a fashion victim. <(*_*<) I ;) own 
one of the largest businesses in SL and I am ;D age verified, i hate griefers and =^.^= you can say i've 
been around for a while. 

✗ Voice
✔ Age verified

 - If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him; - 

AWE3 speed setting:

 ✪ Don't kill the dream - execute it ✪ I build and i sculpt and usually I can be a total shopaholic. i can be a 
party animal and i spend my ;D time enjoying the :-) wonders ;) of SL; i enjoy exploring and you can say i 
can be a fashion victim; I love my mom and usually i am age verified. i am just making the most of SL and 
i've been around for a while. 

Further speeds might be achievable based on how well your brain reacts to extreme AWE speeds. It is known that going sufficiently high with this setting might trigger the catatonically grin syndrome which basically swipes an endless grin on your face and slightly jots your eyeballs out of your eye sockets until you are not able to move anymore and just lucidly dream about awesome profiles. I have tested it myself, here is a preview of what an AWE10 speed looks like:

 I spend my time enjoying the wonders of SL and one may think I can be a total shopaholic; I build and I sculpt 
and usually I can be a :-) fashion victim,,;;,,; I don't bite,,.;..,,;;;,;;..;,..;.;,,,;,; =^;,,^= too hard, unless you want 
me to and one may think I am age verified; I love my family and you can say i've been around for a while;;,;..;;.,;;;;; 
I enjoy a nice chat and I won't rp with just anybody,,, 

✔ Age verified
✗ Voice

 ❉ If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him; ❉ 

☒ Mod ☑ Copy ☒ Trans
✔ Taken

 || Friends are kisses blown to us by angels || 

✗ Grief


 ◉ Silence, beautiful voice, ◉ 
 ' Silence, beautiful voice,;..,,;;;,; ' 
 ' He who angers you conquers you;;;;, ' 

You can choose the AWE speed by changing the line:

integer OVERALL_LEETNESS = 1;

to either 1 for AWE1 speeds, 2 for AWE2 speeds and 3 for AWE3 speeds and greater numbers of extreme AWE.

Keep in mind that the examples above are pseudo-randomly unique and you might not be able to reproduce the exact outcome. AWE3 speeds have just recently been achieved and they seem to be fairly unstable producing the most pseudo-randomly unique results ever. That being said, this is a work of pseudo-art since by every flick of a mouse button in AWE3 and beyond, you generate a pseudo-randomly unique profile. I hereby allow you to craft a business around selling profiles generated with my profile generator. If the generated profile is not worthy of you, simply click the prim again and a fresh, pseudo-unique one will be generated for you.

Code

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
// [K] Kira Komarov - 2011, License: GPLv3              //
// Please see: http://www.gnu.org/licenses/gpl.html     //
// for legal details, rights of fair usage and          //
// the disclaimer and warranty conditions.              //
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//--------------------CONFIGURATION---------------------//
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
 
// On a scale of 1 to 3, how awesome do you want the 
// generated profile to be? Do not settle for less if you 
// can have more. Greed and gluttony are your friends.
//
// You can try and break all barriers by changing this to
// values greater than 3. However, please the documentation
// on the catatonically grin syndrome you might experience.
integer OVERALL_LEETNESS = 1;
 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//--------------------CHANGE AT WILL--------------------//
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
 
// Because we are meformers.
list me_formation = [ "i can be a total shopaholic", "i spend my time enjoying the wonders of SL", "i can be a fashion victim", "i am age verified", "i've been around for a while", "i enjoy a nice chat", "i won't rp with just anybody", "i love my mom", "i love my dad", "i love my family", "i own one of the largest businesses in SL", "i build and i sculpt", "i like to build", "i create sculpts", "i am lots of fun", "i can be fun to be around", "i am just a soul", "i like witty conversation", "i can be a party animal", "i don't bite... too hard, unless you want me to", "i can be friendly and open minded", "i am here to have fun", "i hate everything ordinary", "i despise shallow people", "i hate griefers", "i am just making the most of SL", "i am just not seeking another relationship", "i enjoy exploring", "i enjoy building", "i enjoy editing", "i get along with most people", "i am always on the hunt for something new", "i am a professional artist", "i can be hard to get along with", "i love animals", "i have two dogs", "i have two cats" ];
 
// Because it doesn't really matter.
list me_connectives = [ "and", "and usually", "and you can say", "and one may think" ];
 
// Simply because we want to spread our wisdom to others.
list random_quotes = [ "No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry.", "He who angers you conquers you.", "Everyone is gifted - but some people never open their package", "Friends are kisses blown to us by angels", "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.", "Tears are the silent language of grief", "All glory comes from daring to begin.", "Silence, beautiful voice.", "Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.", "Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.", "Don't kill the dream - execute it"];
 
// Because it makes us feel l33t.
list utf_garbage = [ "✔ Taken", "✗ Grief", "✗ Voice", "☒ Mod ☑ Copy ☒ Trans", "✔ Age verified" ];
 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//-----------------------CABBAGE------------------------//
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
 
// Begin serious cabbage.
string apply_random_punctuation_abuse(string chunk_of_vanity) {
    string messed_up_punctuation_vanity = chunk_of_vanity;
    list arbitrary_lousy_punctuation = [ "...", ".", ",", ";" ];
    integer trouble_seeker;
    for(trouble_seeker=0; trouble_seeker<llStringLength(messed_up_punctuation_vanity); trouble_seeker++) {
        string punctuation = llGetSubString(messed_up_punctuation_vanity, trouble_seeker, trouble_seeker);
        if(punctuation == "." && (integer)llFrand(2) == (integer)llFrand(2)) {
            messed_up_punctuation_vanity = llDeleteSubString(messed_up_punctuation_vanity, trouble_seeker, trouble_seeker);
            messed_up_punctuation_vanity = llInsertString(messed_up_punctuation_vanity, trouble_seeker, llList2String(arbitrary_lousy_punctuation, (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(arbitrary_lousy_punctuation))));
        }
    }
    return messed_up_punctuation_vanity;
}
 
string apply_random_capitalisation_of_i(string chunk_of_vanity) {
    list messed_up_i = llParseString2List(chunk_of_vanity, [" "], [""]);
    list arbitrary_i = [ "I", "i" ];
    integer trouble_seeker;
    string fixed_i;
    for(trouble_seeker=0; trouble_seeker<llGetListLength(messed_up_i); trouble_seeker++) {
        if(llList2String(messed_up_i, trouble_seeker) == "i" && (integer)llFrand(2) == (integer)llFrand(2)) {
            fixed_i += llList2String(arbitrary_i, (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(arbitrary_i)));
            jump i_fixed_another_i;
        }
        fixed_i += llList2String(messed_up_i, trouble_seeker);
@i_fixed_another_i;
        fixed_i += " ";
    }
    return fixed_i;
}
 
string apply_random_emotions(string chunk_of_vanity) {
    list emotive_me = llParseString2List(chunk_of_vanity, [" "], [""]);
    list arbitrary_emotions = [ " ;) ", " :-) ", " =^.^= ", " <(*_*<) ", " :(( ", " ;D " ];
    string self_liberating_message;
    integer trouble_seeker;
    for(trouble_seeker=0; trouble_seeker<llGetListLength(emotive_me); trouble_seeker++) {
        self_liberating_message += llList2String(emotive_me, trouble_seeker);
        if((integer)llFrand(2) == (integer)llFrand(25)) {
            integer emotion = (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(arbitrary_emotions));
            self_liberating_message += llList2String(arbitrary_emotions, emotion);
            arbitrary_emotions = llDeleteSubList(arbitrary_emotions, emotion, emotion);
            jump continue;
        }
        self_liberating_message += " ";
@continue;
    }
    return self_liberating_message;
}
 
string apply_quotation_graphics(string words_of_wisdom) {
    list quotation_graphics_with_utf_garbage = [ " || ", " * ", " ' ", " - ", " ◉ ", " ☆ ", " ✪ ", " ❉ ", " ❤ " ];
    integer unique_random_quotation_graphics = (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(quotation_graphics_with_utf_garbage));
    return llList2String(quotation_graphics_with_utf_garbage, unique_random_quotation_graphics) + words_of_wisdom + llList2String(quotation_graphics_with_utf_garbage, unique_random_quotation_graphics);
}
 
default
{
    state_entry()
    {
        integer me_utf_wisdom;
        integer pleas_for_stopping = 0;
        integer an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job;
        integer spazz_factor = 3;
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS >=4) spazz_factor += OVERALL_LEETNESS - 3;
 
        string vanity_buildup;
 
        // "A disorganised character is the mark of a genius." (me, just now).
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS < 3) jump rant;
        me_utf_wisdom = (integer)llFrand(4);
        if(pleas_for_stopping++ == spazz_factor) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 0) jump rant;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 1) jump garbage;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 2) jump wisdom;
        if(pleas_for_stopping == 3) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
 
@rant;
        for(an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job=0; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job<5; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job++) {
            integer mundane_one = (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(me_formation));
            integer mundane_two;
            while(mundane_two == (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(me_formation)));
            vanity_buildup += llList2String(me_formation, mundane_one) + " " + llList2String(me_connectives, (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(me_connectives))) + " ";
            me_formation = llDeleteSubList(me_formation, mundane_one, mundane_one);
            vanity_buildup += llList2String(me_formation, mundane_two) + ". ";
            me_formation = llDeleteSubList(me_formation, mundane_two, mundane_two);
        }
 
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS < 3) jump garbage;
        me_utf_wisdom = (integer)llFrand(4);
        if(pleas_for_stopping++ == spazz_factor) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 0) jump rant;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 1) jump garbage;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 2) jump wisdom;
        if(pleas_for_stopping == 3) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
 
@garbage;
        vanity_buildup += "\n\n";
        for(an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job=0; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job<2; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job++) {
            integer mundane_one = (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(utf_garbage));
            vanity_buildup += llList2String(utf_garbage, mundane_one) + "\n";
            utf_garbage = llDeleteSubList(utf_garbage, mundane_one, mundane_one);
        }
 
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS < 3) jump wisdom;
        me_utf_wisdom = (integer)llFrand(43);
        if(pleas_for_stopping++ == spazz_factor) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 0) jump rant;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 1) jump garbage;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 2) jump wisdom;
 
@wisdom;        
        vanity_buildup += "\n";
        for(an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job=0; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job<1; an_iterator_with_a_lousy_job++) {
            integer mundane_one = (integer)llFrand(llGetListLength(random_quotes));
            // Because graphics precede correctness.
            string quote_with_quotation_artistry = apply_quotation_graphics(llList2String(random_quotes, mundane_one));
            vanity_buildup += quote_with_quotation_artistry;
        }
 
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS < 3) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
        me_utf_wisdom = 1 + (integer)llFrand(3);
        if(pleas_for_stopping++ == spazz_factor) jump additional_oddities_and_release;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 1) jump rant;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 2) jump garbage;
        if(me_utf_wisdom == 3) jump wisdom;
 
 
@additional_oddities_and_release;
        // Because they just brighten our every statement.
        if(OVERALL_LEETNESS < 2) jump i_am_pretty_serious;
        vanity_buildup = apply_random_emotions(vanity_buildup);
@i_am_pretty_serious;
        // Because rules are too strict and suffocate our artistry.
        vanity_buildup = apply_random_punctuation_abuse(vanity_buildup);
        // Because it takes one more keypress to capitalise yourself.
        vanity_buildup = apply_random_capitalisation_of_i(vanity_buildup);
        while(spazz_factor--) jump i_am_pretty_serious;
        llSay(0, vanity_buildup);
    }
 
    touch_start(integer total_number) {
        llResetScript();
    }
 
}