User:Caliburn Susanto

What do I do?

Actually, I'm not sure there is an answer to that. I am in SL because it is amusing. It is an interesting and stimulating distraction from the daily grind. I use it to escape and relax, in the same way myself and others use movies to "zone out" from the humdrum of daily chores and mundanities.

Mostly what I do while I'm in SL is flit from one thing to another. I might go in to check out a region I saw in a blog post, but then decide I need to change my clothes first and spend the next 45min to an hour trying out different combinations of clothing.

This invariably leads to working on the inventory -- clearing, organizing, documenting -- practically a full-time job. Just as often it leads to giving me the idea to go shopping for just the right whatever (accessory, hat, shoes, shirt, etc.) which will lead me from one vendor to another idly browsing and buying.

Finally, I may remember to visit that region I logged on to see in the first place, then go and explore it. If it impresses me then I will start experimenting with WindLight and settle down to take a series of photographs to document my visit. I post these on Flickr.

At some point I get an IM, either from a friend who wants to say hello, or from a group that wants me to come to an event. I may stop and chat with the friend or go to the event, or I may invite the friend to go someplace for more sightseeing or shopping.

Eventually I wind up going to wherever it is I'm hanging my hat at the moment and I settle in to tweaking things, putting out or rearranging furniture, building, tearing down, terraforming, landscaping, etc. One thing leads to another and hours pass by.

Following the above, or similar, scenario as many as 15 hours can pass by and I hardly notice the passage of time. My time in SL always flies by like a shot. I have been in-world for 40+ hours a week since December 2006 (Many thousands of hours to date) and I still find it interesting.

Who am I?

I am an Avatarian, Caliburn Susanto. Allow me to explain (but confusion is inevitable) ...

I am not a role player, like a character in World of Warcraft, that logs on to use a digital persona to play a game. When I play a computerized game, Duke Nukem for example, I am not Duke Nukem, I am a man sitting at a computer station manipulating the Duke Nukem character through the variable but limited game space in order to accomplish a task (kill as many aliens as possible) without losing my turn by inconveniently getting killed and have to start over. Duke Nukem is not me, it is a tool to hold the shotgun and the uzi on the screen and point it at what I'm slaughtering.

However, when I log into Second Life I am not logging in to use an avatar to draw things on the screen, or follow a script, or collect stuff and store it or even to chat and socialize. I am rezzing to just "be." To exist digitally as well as physically. To extend my mind's influence and perception over the Internet connections and into the optical illusion of a three-dimensional space. To have a life (really, an extension of my actual life) in a virtual world ... oh, sorry, the proper term nowadays is supposed to be immersive digital environment.

When I rez I exist. I am real. The Grid that I rez on is real, the electrons that compose me are real, the Internet I travel on is real, the personal computers that I'm visible on are real, and the human being whose mind and personality I am an extension of is real. There is nothing UNreal about me. I live, in my realm, in my way.

And yet, I don't. If the person animating me stops doing it I freeze in place, or just continue endlessly locked in a scripted animation without presence. However, that is not my purpose, to just be detectable. I must be independent and I only actually live while I'm connected to the person animating me, like a movie sitting in the storage can is pointless until it is run and is being watched. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS (or should) and it goes without saying. I am not only me, but also my animator. We are one. That is why there is no "him" and I'm not an "it." When I say "I" I mean me, Caliburn, and him (whoeverthehellheis). We are the same person. We are me.

And that isn't confusing, if you are paying attention. It's all about context. Remember, I'm not role playing, I'm being. The mind must flip back and forth between digital and physical from one sentence to the next based on the context of what is happening or what is being said. Explanation should not be necessary when interacting with anyone who -- as we like to say -- "gets" it. And this is the ultimate definition of getting it in my mind; that you realize that the human being and the Avatarian being are one entity and you respond to them equally and simultaneously.

Those who cannot get it are doomed to be confused, annoyed, uncomfortable, and more prone to degenerate into intolerance, rudeness, and abuse because they treat the Avatarian as a "thing" or "it" without social or emotional regard for the person whose mind and personality are bringing the avatar into existence. What they are actually doing is ridiculing, degrading, and mocking the person the avatar represents simply for using an avatar in the first place.

So, to sum up, read the paragraphs above again with a more critical eye to pronouns. When I say "I" or "me" who do I mean? The character on the screen, or my physical self? Well, sometimes one, sometimes the other, depending on context, but always, actually, BOTH. Get it?

Why does this Avatarian thing appeal to me?

Good question. Because it is a new and unique way to communicate and exist online that totally bypasses (if one wishes) the myriad of insults and belittlements one can suffer at the hands of the superficial exclusionists. People are cruel to strangers, plain and simple. Ego and insecurity combine to create a force for hurting others almost without limit or conscience. Before you can even express your views or engage in conversation you are routinely rejected simply because the other person doesn't like your race, your sex, your appearance, your religion (if it is obvious what that is by looking at you), your age, your haircut, or your fashion sense. You name it, somebody is looking at you and putting you down offhandedly because of it. That stinks. And the Internet (chat boards, online cliques, et al.) is rife with such behavior. ... to be continued ...